"I don't like condoms," my ex said with the confidence of a man presenting a TED Talk.
That line ended the conversation, or so I thought. We'd been together for a while, and I trusted him. But trust didn't mean I was willing to leave contraception entirely to vibes.
So I insisted we use condoms. Not because I didn't love him. Not because I thought he was "dirty." Because I wanted to protect myself from unintended pregnancy and reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. Simple.
Apparently, it was not simple to him. There were negotiations. Somehow, asking for protection became evidence that I didn't trust him.
Eventually, I realised something. My boundary didn't need a courtroom defence. I wanted protection. That was enough.
A few months later, I found out he'd been seeing someone else while we were together. For a moment, I wondered if I'd been foolish for trusting him. Then I thought about it differently. I hadn't been foolish for asking him to use condoms.
I had made a decision about my sexual health. His cheating was his choice. My decision to protect myself was mine. That distinction took me a while to understand.
It also made me realise that condoms aren't the only contraceptive option available. I'd spent so much time thinking about what my partner wanted that I hadn't spent enough time learning about what was available to me.
So I started looking into different contraceptive methods and speaking to healthcare professionals. That conversation gave me something I'd been missing: options.
The pressure to abandon protection isn't unusual. Many people treat the request for a condom as an accusation, a sign of distrust, or a comment on their sexual history. It's none of those things. It's a basic health measure.
There are red flags you can spot immediately. He says every one of his exes was "crazy." He gets angry when you ask perfectly normal questions. And then there's the classic: "I don't like condoms."
Each of those lines does the same work. They shift the burden onto you. They make your reasonable request sound unreasonable. They turn a health decision into a relationship test.
The cheating came later, but the pattern was there from the start. The negotiations about condoms weren't really about condoms. They were about who gets to decide what happens with your body.
If you're sexually active, contraception shouldn't be a one-person responsibility or something you only discuss after something goes wrong. Talk about it. Ask questions. Know your options.
And if your partner pressures you to ignore your boundaries, that's a relationship conversation, not a contraceptive method.
You can learn more about contraceptive options and sexual health at yourlife.ng.
Because protecting your sexual health isn't an accusation. It's a choice. And nobody gets to make that choice for you.
According to Pulse.ng.
